I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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