Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
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Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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