I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize