our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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