Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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