she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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