i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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