I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize