oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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