guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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