oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You're like the curious george of whores
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
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Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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