I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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