i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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