I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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