where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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