It's Friday. Sex?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
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Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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