So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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