Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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