I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
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he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize