Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize