my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize