just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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