Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize