I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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