If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
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Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
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I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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