I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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