I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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