I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize