So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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