oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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