You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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