I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize