I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We had sex on a dog bed..
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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