Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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