I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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