She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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