Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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