just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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