so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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