dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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