It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize