Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize