Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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