Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.

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(845): At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare. http://tfl.nu/jdv9

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important

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(780): Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important http://tfl.nu/ydfw

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him

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(484): he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him http://tfl.nu/d2zc

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(314): View more from Missouri

Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.

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(314): Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins. http://tfl.nu/7xw4

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.

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(580): I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off. http://tfl.nu/wwj4

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(740): View more from Ohio

She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.

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(740): She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/9d1v

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(830): View more from Texas

What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

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(830): What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple http://tfl.nu/5qs4

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(208): View more from Idaho

i robbed the continental breakfast last night

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(208): i robbed the continental breakfast last night http://tfl.nu/xq3y

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(301): View more from Maryland

I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.

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(301): I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost. http://tfl.nu/jb2u

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...

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(803): Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday... http://tfl.nu/4ejd

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(630): View more from Illinois

If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday

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(630): If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday http://tfl.nu/2qux

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so you are graduating this semester.

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(484): my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete. (215): so you are graduating this semester. http://tfl.nu/j7mj

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(901): View more from Tennessee

"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

You have found the Promised Land of friend zones

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(901): "It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome. (1-901): You have found the Promised Land of friend zones http://tfl.nu/0f4w

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(612): View more from Minnesota

It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.

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(612): It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death. http://tfl.nu/1jo8

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(309): View more from Illinois

Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.

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(309): Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks. http://tfl.nu/tka4

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