I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
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That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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