He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
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I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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