the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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