That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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