Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
did you just send me my own nude
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize