My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize